I am not rebellious

I am not rebellious.
Growing up I knew I was the kid of what were seen as rebellious parents. My parents were pastors in The Salvation Army. They were known as being ‘cutting edge’ and that they ministered through corporate rebellion. Yes, they led their congregation in “Love Feasts”. A.K.A. communion. In my earlier years I remember these “Love Feasts” at Easter. In my teen years after moving out to the disloyal West Coast they tiptoed and crossed the line into holding them on occasions like Thanksgiving and Christmas and even on New Year’s Eve. There were even times when the fesod of it being a “Love Feast” was done away with and the word that should not be mentioned was uttered. Yes, “communion.” With the West Coast also came water baptism and the defining line of rebellion. 
Wait, what? My parents were rebellious in the christian church because they practiced what Jesus preached? Yes. The Salvation Army although it is spread far and wide, territorially it is small and inbred. One could only conclude that if I had rebellious parents, I must too be rebellious. In so many ways The Salvation Army is about power and control. For these “rebellious” pastors penalty is always looming. Approval for new avenues of ministry and even livelihood is put into question. Sudden and suspicious moves and future appointments are often given as punishment along with a negative reputation. 
For me I never really understood communion or water baptism. Where on the one side it was known as restorative and freeing; it was on the other side something that people who did not obey the rules did. Doing so was punitive. As a result I was not baptized as my non-Salvation Army peers were. Participating in communion when attending various denominations became bitter. What should have been available to me was stripped and tainted. In a sense it was like spiritual starvation. If I asked to be fed I was penalized. So I didn’t ask and thus I starved.
I don’t need to explain the scriptural foundation to practicing these sacraments. We’ve rightfully used them as our fighting words to change policy and practice. And we have lost, more times than I can count. I also don’t need to go into the history of why the Salvation Army does not practice these sacraments because it is simply that, history. While the Soldier’s covenant can be a beautiful thing as it is to lived out as a daily testimony of the a new life found in Christ, it is not to replace what scripture dictates. And although it is important to know that participating in communion and water baptism is not the means of salvation, it is also important to know that to deny the opportunity of holy obedience, and to make it punitive is spiritual abuse. 
Six years ago I was the victim of spiritual and emotional abuse on a rather different scale. I was put through months of interrogation, scolding and my family was threatened over and over again. All this was the consequence to my choosing to follow God’s direction and give two girls a forever home. I did as scripture told me to do and as a result my new family and I were left homeless and jobless without even a car to sleep in. Not only that, but because my exit from ministry with The Salvation Army was so sudden and unexpected by my peers, my ethic was put in question, right across the country.
I cannot tell you have many times I have explained my story of ludicrous acts awarded to me by the leadership of The Salvation Army, to only get a puzzled look with a dropped jaw. Countless people have asked me how much I got in my lawsuit. There was no lawsuit. After all was said and done I felt like although I would win financially and perhaps my cred would be increased, the front line of what I believe to be a valuable ministry would suffer. I had abundant measures to fight back, but no oomph left. The emotional abuse was so intense that my only defense was to shut off all emotion and to simply not go there. I was actually told that my act of choosing to adopt “did not line up with the mission and vision of The Salvation Army.” It wasn’t until recent that I have come to realize that those words couldn’t have been truer. While I fully support the front line mission of bringing hope to those who have lost it, the means behind the vision is riddled with control and threat, which I will have no part of. 
I don’t say all of this to gain favor or sympathy because to be very honest, my family is far better off now than we were then. It took all of that, and these years afterwards to understand the impact of being under such powerful scrutiny. I find myself now in a new church surrounded by a new community of believers who I am sure are full of their own baggage. No denomination is perfection. The loss was so intense that it took me five years to finally leave the abusive relationship. Although the power to control my life was cut off six years ago the emotional trauma was so intense that to leave fully and go into the unknown seemed riskier than staying. If I stayed I knew I could not trust and I knew that I needed to keep my guards up. If I left, who knew what would happen.
So, why say all of this? Denying communion and water baptism are merely two examples of control. And explaining my dismissal from The Salvation Army for adopting is just one example of disregarded inevitable trauma. Every pastor (possibly even every member) of The Salvation Army can name times when their obedience to God the Father has been punished or threatened. 
I say all of this to encourage you to stand up and to know that your obedience to our Saviour is not rebellion against the body of believers, but that it is beautiful and that it will be rewarded with a crown. 
I have not yet been baptized. But, I do know that when I am it will not be noted as a rebellious act but that it will be seen as an act of obedience towards the Great “I am.”